I was born with strands of gray hair. My mother proclaimed that it was a sign of high intelligence and never failed to remind me of it.
I have never been comfortable with attention, or having the spotlight on things I’ve accomplished or achieved. I much rather be the cheerleader for others, I like the shadows. Yet, there’s a part of me that craves to be seen. A conflicting existence to be sure.
In my mind’s eye, I see myself as a mixture of several different people. Most of them are fictional characters, but they are none the less valid just because they’re not real. I lean on these images, these characters of some pretty badass women. They give me strength, and help me hold onto the woman I want to be. In the meantime, I hide behind baggy clothes, messy hair, and no ‘extra grooming’ (makeup, perfume etc)
This past weekend, I finally made the decision to allow the inner woman, the one who is confident, brave, speacial, and magickal, to emerge. It’s terrifying because I only let her out when I’m out with my sisters and family. And oh how she shines! It’s going to be a struggle to believe in her, to accept her, and to draw strength from her. But I have a good feeling that she knows this and is willing to go slow.
I guess those gray hairs do represent intelligence.