As the day draws closer to its end, and with it, the end of 2016, I find myself thinking back. This past year has been a mixed bag of good, bad, and WTF moments.
I first want to address my darkness of this year. Actually, for last three years. I’ve lost a lot of people, and in July of this year, my wonderful Wolfound, Fawn, succumbed to bone cancer. My mind snapped and I allowed myself to plummet.
I got comfortable in the dark places of my mind. I didn’t have to think, feel, do, or be. I just flipped the switch to auto pilot and went through my days–most times not even knowing how I got from point A to B. I’m really good at being ‘okay’, it’s a skill I learned as a child and honed as a teenager. It’s a place very few know how to navigate in order to find me. One who could with absolutely no difficulty was my sister Berta.
Her death in 2014 gutted me. And I’ve yet to recover. I still look for her, wait for her, listen for her, and call for her. My mind tries to block out the pain, but not having her overwhelms me. 2016 I began to work through that pain. And it hurt like hell. So, when it got too much, I retreated to that place. And yet, I managed to write, and self published five books—told you, I have mad coping through the darkness skills.
And now, for the light that refused to die. I did publish five books—FIVE and they’re good books (well, I think so!) I met some amazing people through Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms. I homeschooled my son for the 2015/16 school year, and we had a blast. 2016 saw Middle Girl graduate grade 8, and Eldest Girl become a lifeguard and get her learner’s permit. I reconnected with cousins, and discovered that I’m still pretty good at my job. We also welcomed (well, most of us did) a new member to our family: Albus the Cat. I won’t elaborate….just follow the hashtag: #AlbustheCat
Sometimes it’s hard to remember that there is good in the world, and that we need the bad—and yes, the pain, to appreciate the light that finds us. I am grateful that I made it through this year. There were moments I truly thought I wouldn’t, that the demons would win. Thank you to all of you, you fought for me when I couldn’t fight for myself. Much love to you.
Happy New Year.